just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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