oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
