she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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