Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
