she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
