u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are the jesus of drinking
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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