my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
