Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Still dying that you shit outside
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
