your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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