oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
