i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
