the condom got lost in my hair
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
