i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
