These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
