I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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