my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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