Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
