porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
