He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
