You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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