I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
