what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
