think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
