my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
