Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
