No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
this hospital has no fireball
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
There are leaves in my underwear?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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