we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Let's get the cat blown out
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
