Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
