I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
