Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
