Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
