Swine flu. Run for my life!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
