you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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