there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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