The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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