Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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