fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
