there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
