Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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