I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
