absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
