i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
