Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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