my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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