I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
