It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
