I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
