It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
