We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
