i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
