Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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