I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
