Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
