I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
